I kept reminding myself that Beccy was doing something really great – and I couldn’t wait to see how she was getting on.We didn’t make any plans to visit – we thought we would give her plenty of space to get on with her life and start to build her own independence We kept her room as it was. Some parents seem to think that once someone’s flown the nest, that’s it: life moves on and you go on to the next stage We felt quite the opposite. It was important for all of us to keep her room and her identity as part of the family; we want her to feel that she can come back when she wants to, but not feel that she has to.Now there’s just two of us we can be more spontaneous and flexible: go for a drink after work or drop everything on a Friday night and go for a walk in the hills. So in some respects it can be positive because it can give you space to refocus on each other and on other aspects of your life.When they come home we click back into a good rapport, but life is moving on. You can adjust to a more adult way of life but still have the fun and the interaction that you had before We’re still pretty close.

It’s not inconceivable that they might even come on holiday with us!”THE DAUGHTER”I remember the night before I went to university really well. My best friend and I were sitting talking on our garden wall and I remember feeling as if it was the beginning of a really big step, the next stage of my life.I was aware that my leaving would be hard for my parents, because we’d always been really close. Because of that I tried to be as nice to them as possible and think a bit about how they would be feeling. I felt it would be easier for them if they knew a bit about what I was doing – although mum thinks I drink too much so I probably tone that down! But then they’re less afraid that you’re getting up to too much mischief, and they still feel involved.

I still speak to them on the phone at least once a week, and every day if I’ve got exams or I’m stressed. It’s not deliberate – I’ll be on my way home from the library and I just feel like talking to mum.I only went home once in the first term, mainly because I was so tired and needed some sleep It’s so intense when you first go to university Everything’s new and you’re going out all the time. So it was nice to be somewhere so familiar, where you could be really relaxed and comfortable My relationship with my parents has changed, but gradually. They treat me much more like an adult now than when I first went to university, although at the time I felt they treated me as an adult. They’ve always trusted me.Going home for the holidays was hard at first, because I really missed the fast pace and that total independence.

Living back in a family, you have to let people know where you are and stuff, and I was much more aware of that. But now we’ve been at university a bit longer everyone’s quite happy just to go home to have a rest!”. You could be forgiven, after perusing student literature and websites, for expecting one tipsy rollercoaster ride of fresher fun. At the risk of sounding like a killjoy, you’d do well to ignore the fake bravado sloshing around at the start of a university or college year and be aware of some inevitable hurdles. You may have more money in the bank than ever before, but with no idea how thinly it must be spread over the year.